On Behalf Of

Posted by Anita Bondi on October 23, 2009 under Anita Bondi | Read the First Comment

Dawali is a huge festival in India. Atul, my Indian boyfriend (that is the joke my girlfriends and I share about him) has just informed me that they will be on holiday for the next 5 days and that is why he is trying to get the Inspiration Deck to Fedex before the end of the workday. Atul has been in my life since August. I do not know what he looks like, or what his family life is like. I do know what his voice sounds like though. He called me one night in September at about 9:30pm. I was getting ready for a big performance piece I was doing that weekend and had to run to Kmart for batteries. He was shocked that I was out so late and wanted to know why I was not at home? I decided it was because it must not be proper in India for women to be out so late. Plus, how do you describe Kmart to someone in India? I simply said I was at the grocery store. It was a funny five minutes or so with me trying to answer questions about my whereabouts at that time of the night with a man who works for the card printing company that is manufacturing my Inspiration Deck. Most of our e-mails were about paper weight, CMYK, telescopic vs. tuck boxes, and a host of other things unknown to me prior to this past summer. Now, here we were finally speaking to each other, and it was as if he was a relative concerned with my safety or someone intimate to my life and world. E-mail relationships can become that way, can’t they? When you share with someone (even just a few lines) several times a day for several weeks, you begin to get, well, comfortable, i guess would be the word. That is why my girlfriends began to call him my “Indian boyfriend.” I talked about him all the time.

“Atul said.” or “Atul recommended.” or,( and I think this was probably the clincher), ” Atul really made me angry today.”

Before the e-mail about the Dawali holiday it had been weeks since I had heard from Atul. The cards were suppose to have shipped two weeks prior and I was a bit worried about what had happened. His e-mail said that there was a delay because the 42 page, 2.75 inch booklet was sticking out a millimeter over the 3.85 inch circle cards, and that was making it hard to shrink wrap them. These numbers are important because they were the bane of my existence for weeks, as we went back and forth trying to convince the printers that we had the sizes exactly right to fit into our 4 inch packaging tins.

We, would be Marci (my friend and designer,) and myself. She has also worked tirelessly for months on this project with me! There would be no deck without her!

I began to panic! Why was the booklet sticking out? I had paid $1000.00 to have a special die cut for the circles to make sure everything would fit perfectly. Now, they were about to ship and they were not perfect? And, they were only at 50% heat for the shrink wrapping! ( Not that I had any idea what that meant.) All I knew was that it threw me into an immediate stress response that had me shaking. I just sat at the computer wide-eyed, vibrating and spewing a long litany of the details of a process that no one really wants to hear about; a process that has been too much of my world for too many months! Stan just stood there saying, “It will be fine.” He clearly did not understand. Finally, I calmed down enough to hear the voice of a much higher Self saying, “Pick a card. That is what you made them for.”

On Behalf Of is what I picked. At first I hemmed and hawed, still stuck in my victimization. Then I turned the card over and read the story:

“When you call On Behalf Of there is always time for a cup of tea and a bit of conversation. She will make time to stop and listen. If you are at her house, she will offer you special paper and a beautiful amethyst fountain pen to write down everything that is troubling or upsetting you. She places all the papers in a dragonfly jar on her kitchen windowsill. Every week she opens the window on a bright sunny day and sends the concerns off to the light…”

There is more to the story, but that is the part that made me stop and exhale. I got up and found a beautiful piece of paper and wrote down everything that was troubling and upsetting and scary (okay, just about the card project!). I put the paper in one of the tins and set it on the windowsill. Yesterday, the sun was shining and it was 75 degrees! I opened the tin and put it outside on the deck. That is where I found it this morning. It is empty now and I trust that the beautiful paper with all of my concerns written on it, has been carried off to the Light!