It is a big joke in my family that I always take the day off on my birthday. Why not? I think everyone should! So, happy birthday to me and all the other zany, creative, funny Gemini’s in this world. I could tell you about starting my birthday week yesterday with my dear friend Patti, or my astrological update with sweet Mel, or my spontaneous dinner with my honey, but I really want to tell you about looking for the Lady Slipper. She is a rare beauty of the forest that blooms around my birthday.
My sister and fellow Gemini (although she says we are nothing alike!), Louise was the perfect partner for my early morning sleuthing. We started out at 6:30am. The woods were quiet and wet with dew. The beauty immediately woke me up and gratitude filled my lungs as I breathed it in completely.
Since the pictures will no doubt be worth a thousand words, here goes:
We were almost to the top of the mountain when we spotted her a bit off the trail, surrounded by a small rock circle, as if someone had thought to protect her; possibly seeing her beauty for the first time, as I had some years ago, and with breath catching in their chest, had known that she was fragile and needed care. She was completely alone and very small although her presence in the rocky landscape felt huge to me. The pink pouch drops off of the plant and looks like a slipper. The pouch is used to catch the insects needed to fertilize the flower. Lady Slipper is in the orchid family and is the state flower of Minnesota…..just a shout out to my InterPlay friends in the land of lakes….have you seen any lately? Send pictures!!!!
I loved my Lutheran Lenten group last night. The chairs were in a big circle when I arrived and Pastor Gail had already brought the piano bench in for our altar. As i began to set up for our mini-retreat, the group began to come in, one at a time. Howard arrived carrying a really large poster, framed in gold. At the bottom it said “Crystal Eyes.” I thought that was pretty bold for a Lutheran!
It was a 3-D picture. When you soften your gaze, (yes, take an Easy Focus) there is a balance that is achieved by your rod and cone vision, so that more of your peripheral vision field is used.
It is a more emotional, intuitive way of seeing the world. Score another one for InterPlay! In this picture a floating heart appears to come out of a center circle and then zodiac symbols magically arise out of that center and surround the heart. We worked on that last Wednesday, but I did not love my group that night. It was more like a job that night. So, with Howard by my side and the magic heart floating before my eyes, I softened and relaxed. Guess what? Everything shifted. Amazing? No, not really, but powerful nonetheless.
When Martha arrived, I went right over and hugged her! She was not expecting that and drew back a bit, smiling slightly. I took the hint as I stretched my hand out to warmly greet Jack. That seemed better, so I stuck with the handshake.
Notice from the InterPlay Inspiration Deck by Anita Bondi
Once everyone was settled we began with our theme for the night: Notice. I did a guided visualization/relaxation with a focus on noticing the places where we hold tension and tightness.
At one point I opened my eyes and that is when it happened. That was the moment I fell in love. The whole room was filled with the soft scent of Juniper, the warm glow of candlelight, and all of these brave souls that had come to experience a new way of being in their bodies. They thought they had signed up for an exercise class. That was not what I wanted to teach and frankly, I am sick of not pleasing myself! I brought exactly what I wanted to bring and it worked! Guess what? Everything shifted. Amazing? No, not really.
As I looked around the room, they all looked so peaceful, so trusting and vulnerable. I realized how much they were allowing me to guide them and to stretch them in ways beyond the ability to touch their toes. I almost cried. It was so beautiful. They were so beautiful. When they opened their eyes, I asked them to take a soft and Easy Focus and to Notice how they were feeling.
Howard said it was the most relaxed he had been all day and everyone nodded. We all took a deep breath and let it out with a sigh!
P.S. A Lutheran sigh is very quiet, almost inaudible. I am going to work on that next!
In the InterPlay Inspiration Deck, Grace says that she wants to be found. Today is a day that I need Grace. She wears red so that she is easier to see in the crowd. This morning the crowd is inside of my head. There seems to be a cacophony of voices a bit too loud to really hear what any one of them is actually saying. This is making my chest feel a bit tight and I notice that my breathing is also somewhat labored. Why? Hard to say. I am doing Debbie Ford’s , 21 day Consciousness Cleanse, and today is about giving up the old agreements that are keeping us stuck. That could be it?
Then there is the fact that it is approaching the end of February and the next phase of “the card deck project” is not really underway. Sure I have done a few things, but not enough to get something going in the wholesale market. That could be it?
There is also the way that an artist has to be self-motivated and find some structure in her days. When to eat, exercise, write, research the next step, make stuff, and most importantly, make space for the inspiration. This could be it?
A female cardinal has just landed at the bird feeder right outside the window where I am sitting and writing. She is a beautiful red-orange with a brilliant yellow-red beak. Her head feathers are bouncing up and down and she bobs for her breakfast. She is in one sense calm and in another on edge, ready to fly at any moment. I wonder if she has come to find me? If she is my Grace? I do not hear the other voices in my head right now and I notice that I have finally exhaled. This is it.
Our Monday night InterPlay/improv dance class does a movement meditation on the theme of “easy focus” to a loop I created in the moment before becoming the videographer. Enjoy.
…And here, we do a favorite InterPlay improv form called postcards on Easy Focus. The round cards we’re holding up are from The InterPlay Inspiration Deck (created by Anita Bondi who also teaches the Monday night class).
Once again I’m sitting in my office wondering what the hell I’m doing here. Are you starting to see a pattern here? Don’t get me wrong: it’s not that I hate the work I do. I like making technology work.
“Too much confusion. I can’t get no relief.”
Trouble is that I see “making it work” from an incredibly idealistic vantage point. And I attach urgency to getting it working. In my original neurosis around this urgency, I left no room for genuine creativity and play.
“No reason to get excited…”
It’s taken me almost 30 years to transform this stressed out approach to my job into one that’s merely over-serious. To those of you who are easy-going, this will seem like no great feat.
Easy Focus round card from the InterPlay Inspiration Deck
“There are many here among us
That feel that life is but a joke”
To me, it was nearly insurmountable. Even after many years working and playing through this, I frequently have to remind myself about what’s really important. And none of it turns out to be “stuff.” In the end, I value my own well-being and my relationships the most. Easy to forget. Easy to remember.
“But you and I we’ve been through that
And this is not our fate”
“So let us not talk falsely now
The hour is getting late”
Is it ever too late to wake up to valuing what’s really valuable? No. But, the sooner and more often I wake up to it, the more time I have to enjoy it.
“Outside in the cold distance…”
I’m headed for some enjoyment now!
(Thanks to Bob Dylan for the still-relevant All Along the Watch Tower.)
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My sister and fellow Gemini (although she says we are nothing alike!), Louise was the perfect partner for my early morning sleuthing. We started out at 6:30am. The woods were quiet and wet with dew. The beauty immediately woke me up and gratitude filled my lungs as I breathed it in completely.
