Then there is the fact that it is approaching the end of February and the next phase of “the card deck project” is not really underway.  Sure I have done a few things, but not enough to get something going in the wholesale market.  That could be it?

There is also the way that an artist has to be self-motivated and find some structure in her days.  When to eat, exercise, write, research the next step, make stuff, and most importantly, make space for the inspiration.  This could be it?

A female cardinal has just landed at the bird feeder right outside the window where I am sitting and writing.  She is a beautiful red-orange with a brilliant yellow-red beak.  Her head feathers are bouncing up and down and she bobs for her breakfast.  She is in one sense calm and in another on edge, ready to fly at any moment. I wonder if she has come to find me? If she is my Grace?  I do not hear the other voices in my head right now and I notice that I have finally exhaled.  This is it.

For me, this message to remember to hold things loosely and lightly is so important. I am SO NOT a technology person and the whole world operating on Facebook, Twitter, blogging, etc. is not really comfortable for me. Comfortable is this easy chair that I am sitting in right now. My morning coffee by my side, my dog curled up in my lap, the heavy rain and wind providing an awesome background for this Monday morning. Discomfort for me is the way I cannot figure out how to write this post directly into the blog, cannot figure out how to “tweet” people on a regular enough basis so that I would get hundreds of followers like my friend, Gretchen, and my complete inability to post things with pictures on Facebook or any other techy tool like that.
AHHHH, taking a breath as that was quite a long sentence.

That is what lack of comfort feels like in my body: one huge run on sentence!

So, for this moment, I borrow the Hold it Loosely and Lightly card, I grab my tight focuser and release it from my tight knit brow, take one long slow deep breath, and I exhale twice as long.

The wind and rain have stopped. Another Monday miracle reveals itself to me!

Angel Messenger: Hold It Loosely & Lightly

Our Monday night InterPlay/improv dance class does a movement meditation on the theme of “easy focus” to a loop I created in the moment before becoming the videographer.  Enjoy.

…And here, we do a favorite InterPlay improv form called postcards on Easy Focus. The round cards we’re holding up are from The InterPlay Inspiration Deck (created by Anita Bondi who also teaches the Monday night class).

You can see another version of this Easy Focus evening in the improv studio on the InterPlay Virtual Friday Blog.

Playful blessings…

Once again I’m sitting in my office wondering what the hell I’m doing here. Are you starting to see a pattern here? Don’t get me wrong: it’s not that I hate the work I do. I like making technology work.

“Too much confusion. I can’t get no relief.”

Trouble is that I see “making it work” from an incredibly idealistic vantage point. And I attach urgency to getting it working. In my original neurosis around this urgency, I left no room for genuine creativity and play.

“No reason to get excited…”

It’s taken me almost 30 years to transform this stressed out approach to my job into one that’s merely over-serious. To those of you who are easy-going, this will seem like no great feat.

Easy Focus round card from the InterPlay Inspiration Deck

“There are many here among us
That feel that life is but a joke”

To me, it was nearly insurmountable. Even after many years working and playing through this, I frequently have to remind myself about what’s really important. And none of it turns out to be “stuff.” In the end, I value my own well-being and my relationships the most. Easy to forget. Easy to remember.

“But you and I we’ve been through that
And this is not our fate”

Yeah. I get it. The call to easy focus really is … well, easy. Of course, today was my day to draw the Easy Focus card from Anita Bondi’s InterPlay Inspiration Deck.  Go figure.  The Deck knows me almost as well as I know myself!

“So let us not talk falsely now
The hour is getting late”

Is it ever too late to wake up to valuing what’s really valuable? No. But, the sooner and more often I wake up to it, the more time I have to enjoy it.

“Outside in the cold distance…”

I’m headed for some enjoyment now!

(Thanks to Bob Dylan for the still-relevant All Along the Watch Tower.)

Inner Authority card in The InterPlay Inspiration Deck

I’m not sure that the cold is gone yet. Maybe my self-care is lagging. How well is my transition into self-fathering going, then? Not as well as I’d like.

My dad was a Protestant (Christian Church – Disciples of Christ) minister and I guess he still is in his retirement. To me, it seemed like he was always there for other people. He’s been a great example to me of an open-hearted man. I still strive to open and soften my heart the way I’ve seen him do. And I would say that he’s done some great self-care in retirement: traveling to many places around the globe while continuing to work part time. I would say that both of these pursuits are dear to him and he does well to go after them with gusto — which is exactly what he is doing.

Shuffling The InterPlay Inspiration Deck

But, back to me… I’m looking for some inspiration to make today’s transition or maybe just to determine what this transition looks like. Yes. I’ll be pulling a card from the InterPlay Inspiration Deck to help me gain some direction. I notice that Monday’s selection “Inner Authority” with its yellow sun is still on top, so I shuffle the deck even more than I usually do.

Surprise! It’s “On Behalf Of” with the cool dragonfly symbol. The colors are enticing. The stylized body seated in lotus position frames the green dragonfly.

Okay. I don’t get it. Why would I get this card today? Don’t I just need to take care of myself at the moment? Guess I’d better read the story on the back. Here’s the phrase that most catches my attention:

On Behalf Of round card from the InterPlay Inspiration Deck

“She sees everyone who has shared their pain with her bathed in warmth and love.”  Nice.  That’s the kind of acceptance I observed in my dad and in the literally hundreds of InterPlayers who have done Dances On Behalf Of for me.  Now that’s music to my internal ears.

What if I were to approach myself the way On Behalf Of (from the InterPlay Inspiration Deck) does?  This small, round card has so much to teach me.  Not that the universe hasn’t tried to bring me this noticing before.  My dad modeled it for me.  All those Dancers On Behalf Of showed me the possibility of bringing this “warmth and love” to myself.  I created my mission in the men’s work in 2002 that incorporates this open-heartedness:  “I open my heart to create a world where I and others are enlivened to appreciate and co-create beauty.”  For whatever reason, I waited for this round card to be my real teacher.  I am grateful.  I am inspired.

I don’t even know what my current transition looks like.  And already it seems less intimidating just knowing that I can bring the open heart I long to bring to others to myself.  How cool is that?

May I bless myself with this kind of ease around my current transitions and adaptations to the changes around and within me.  I bless myself.

Creative blessings to you all.